just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
