Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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