bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
