We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
