I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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