i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need a beard to bite.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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