omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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