No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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