I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
