She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
