is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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