how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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