Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize