ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I know her cup size but not her name....
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