You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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