Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
