I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
