Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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