It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
