Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
