Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
