HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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