and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
