we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
