I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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