i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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