I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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