She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
