I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
