the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
