The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
