Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
