How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
