Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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