3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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