So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
