Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
