Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
