I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
