Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
