I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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