a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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