I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
