I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
