you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
