I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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