he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i think i just lost a toe
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
