you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
