forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
