Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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