So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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