I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
