i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize