And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize