Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
