In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize