ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize