It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize