nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
