so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
