12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
