My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
