Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
