It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Found the puke drawer
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
