Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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