well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
