i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
