You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
