Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
