You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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