the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
