i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
