Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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