Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
