So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
