Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
