i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
