Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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