Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
