They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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