He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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