i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sober January is a disaster.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
