I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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