i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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