You just made me feel so damn special
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
