and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
